So I had this brillant idea that I would do something like Jay-Z's Twenty Two 2's. Except, you know in blog form. I got as far as "Man, I am too excited to turn twenty two to(day)." Before I realized that I am not Jay Z. I'm not even Jaz-O.
Man...22. This time last year I was a completely different person. I had just come back from Oxford and my first major life changing experience. I had senior year ahead of me, and the whole wide world beyond that. Now? I have been humbled and uplifted.
Right now, I am taking inventory of my life. Jerzy Kosinski is a novelist and screenwriter who wrote the classic film Being There (if you have not seen it, sit down and watch it. I mean really watch it. It is powerful, and quite funny.) Kosiniski's motto formed the backbone of my personal statement:
"The principle of art is to pause, not bypass. The principles of true art is not to portray, but to evoke. This requires a moment of pause--a contract with yourself through the object you look at or the page you read. In that moment of pause, I think life expands. And really the purpose of art--for me, fiction--is to alert, to indicate to stop, to say: Make certain that when you rush through you will not miss the moment which you might have had, or might still have. That is the moment of finding something which you have not known about yourself, or your environment, about others and about life."
That quote spoke to me then, and even more now. I don't know how well you know me, but I'm a bit of a control freak. I am always making plans. And those plans have to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect. But, in my rush to make things perfect, to create those situations, I am not enjoying myself. I am not living my life. I was rushing. I am learning to pause. I'm realizing that each day is art. And that is what I'm looking for now. Those moments of pause. Moments of art. And I'm looking for them in the moments. And in the people I surround myself with.
This weekend, I am going to see one of my good friends get married. Which is such an odd thing for me. More on that next week. Also, my analysis of MTV's list of the hottest rappers. But for now, I'm tired and I have to fly out tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Inspiration
This past weekend was rough. Friday night was the final blow to weeks of slow dilapidation. It was Friday night that I knew a certain building that I had been trying to build, rennovate, what have you was condemned. Dispite all of my attempts, I could not make it work. Friday night proved that as it crashed and burned to the ground in front of my eyes. My every drunken word and movement speeding in its destruction.
I spent the rest of the weekend in a funk. I blamed myself. Who else was there to blame? This was yet again another failure in a long line of failures. 5 years of failure in this particular area to be exact.
Satruday I slept all day, then waited for the phone to ring, for something to do. Nothing came. I began to read a book that...at least from this close point of viewing...will change my life. The Man Who Heard Voices. A book about M. Night Shyamalan's journey in making Lady in the Water.
Now, a bit of background on me and M. Night. My favorite of all of his films is Unbreakable. Sixth Sense is a close second. Lady in the Water a close third. Then The Village, then Signs. I love his films. The writing is always tight and inventive. His eye for composition is top notch. He makes art for the masses. In short, he is the type of filmmkaer I strive to be.
I really enjoyed Lady in the Water when it came out. No bullshit. I thought that it was a fairy tale for grown ups, or for kids with grown up sensibilities. It was smart, complex, well put together and sensuously beautiful. From the low key lighting, to Bryce Dallas Howards pale, helpless looks, to Paul Giamatti's ever evolving sense of everyman awkwardness, I felt the movie touched me in ways many other films have not. It was a film with more than just heart. It had a soul. Was the film perfect? By no means. It had structural problems. Sometimes it was a bit too complex. And too much thinking caused the whole thing to unravel. But, that's easily solved by not thinking to hard. I saw Lady in the Water in the theaters when it first came out last summer. I have not seen it since.
I picked the book up on a whim in Barnes and Noble. Jay reminded me of it as I was picking out a thank you gift for Det Neil (the guy who's apartment I'm staying in). I instantly knew I should buy it. When I started reading it, the first thing that struck me was the writing. It was fresh, crisp. To the point. Funny. The author is a sports writer. I've found that sports writers are exceedingly good at the "non-fiction novel." The second thing that struck me, was how insanely coincidental (though I am beginning to think there are no coincidences) my picking this book up at this point in my life was. From page one, the book spoke to me.
M. Night is a dreamer. An idealist. He has big ideas and he wants to share them with everybody. Everybody in the whole world. The book portrays him as a tortured soul full of doubt. This man, who has made over 2 Billion dollars in ticket sales world wide, full of doubt. This man, who has final cut, a beautiful wife, great kids, a quick wit and final-freaking-cut is in the exact same predicament I found myself in this weekend. I began to devour the book hungrily. The author follows M. Night through writing the script, trying to sell the script, making the movie and the eventual bomb of the movie. (I'm not sure if it made back its budget...) Through it all, M. Night proclaimed his need to inspire people. That was the purpose of the film and its theme: inspiration. M. Night eventually failed by all measurable factors. The film was not a phenomenon. He was not able to reach everyone. But I will tell you this, he, M. Night, the man who made this film, the man who is IN (and not just as an actor) this film, the man whom this film represents, inspired me.
I called Stephen up earlier tonight, after watching the film for a second time. I told him about the book and how it inspired me. He said "Oh, what's it about?"
I told him "M. Night Shyamalan's attempt to make Lady in the Water."
He laughed "But, that wasn't that good of a movie."
I know. And that's the point. For M. Night, for me, it is about the journey, the process. And even in the finished product, even in the failure, I see the beauty. His failure inspired me, because dispite his failure, he failed striving. He failed because he wanted to do something grand, something amazing. Something groundbreaking and new. Something bigger and more important than The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, all of the other films he's ever done. He tried, and he failed. And that failure, that act of trying pulled me right out of the funk. Because I realized that's all I can do, try. And sometimes I will fail. Like Friday night. But all I can do is learn, and pick myself up and keep moving forward. No, Lady in the Water wasn't a good movie, but it is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen.
I spent the rest of the weekend in a funk. I blamed myself. Who else was there to blame? This was yet again another failure in a long line of failures. 5 years of failure in this particular area to be exact.
Satruday I slept all day, then waited for the phone to ring, for something to do. Nothing came. I began to read a book that...at least from this close point of viewing...will change my life. The Man Who Heard Voices. A book about M. Night Shyamalan's journey in making Lady in the Water.
Now, a bit of background on me and M. Night. My favorite of all of his films is Unbreakable. Sixth Sense is a close second. Lady in the Water a close third. Then The Village, then Signs. I love his films. The writing is always tight and inventive. His eye for composition is top notch. He makes art for the masses. In short, he is the type of filmmkaer I strive to be.
I really enjoyed Lady in the Water when it came out. No bullshit. I thought that it was a fairy tale for grown ups, or for kids with grown up sensibilities. It was smart, complex, well put together and sensuously beautiful. From the low key lighting, to Bryce Dallas Howards pale, helpless looks, to Paul Giamatti's ever evolving sense of everyman awkwardness, I felt the movie touched me in ways many other films have not. It was a film with more than just heart. It had a soul. Was the film perfect? By no means. It had structural problems. Sometimes it was a bit too complex. And too much thinking caused the whole thing to unravel. But, that's easily solved by not thinking to hard. I saw Lady in the Water in the theaters when it first came out last summer. I have not seen it since.
I picked the book up on a whim in Barnes and Noble. Jay reminded me of it as I was picking out a thank you gift for Det Neil (the guy who's apartment I'm staying in). I instantly knew I should buy it. When I started reading it, the first thing that struck me was the writing. It was fresh, crisp. To the point. Funny. The author is a sports writer. I've found that sports writers are exceedingly good at the "non-fiction novel." The second thing that struck me, was how insanely coincidental (though I am beginning to think there are no coincidences) my picking this book up at this point in my life was. From page one, the book spoke to me.
M. Night is a dreamer. An idealist. He has big ideas and he wants to share them with everybody. Everybody in the whole world. The book portrays him as a tortured soul full of doubt. This man, who has made over 2 Billion dollars in ticket sales world wide, full of doubt. This man, who has final cut, a beautiful wife, great kids, a quick wit and final-freaking-cut is in the exact same predicament I found myself in this weekend. I began to devour the book hungrily. The author follows M. Night through writing the script, trying to sell the script, making the movie and the eventual bomb of the movie. (I'm not sure if it made back its budget...) Through it all, M. Night proclaimed his need to inspire people. That was the purpose of the film and its theme: inspiration. M. Night eventually failed by all measurable factors. The film was not a phenomenon. He was not able to reach everyone. But I will tell you this, he, M. Night, the man who made this film, the man who is IN (and not just as an actor) this film, the man whom this film represents, inspired me.
I called Stephen up earlier tonight, after watching the film for a second time. I told him about the book and how it inspired me. He said "Oh, what's it about?"
I told him "M. Night Shyamalan's attempt to make Lady in the Water."
He laughed "But, that wasn't that good of a movie."
I know. And that's the point. For M. Night, for me, it is about the journey, the process. And even in the finished product, even in the failure, I see the beauty. His failure inspired me, because dispite his failure, he failed striving. He failed because he wanted to do something grand, something amazing. Something groundbreaking and new. Something bigger and more important than The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, all of the other films he's ever done. He tried, and he failed. And that failure, that act of trying pulled me right out of the funk. Because I realized that's all I can do, try. And sometimes I will fail. Like Friday night. But all I can do is learn, and pick myself up and keep moving forward. No, Lady in the Water wasn't a good movie, but it is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Paper Airplanes
Okay...for real this time....
I am writing this blog because someone else started their blog back up. And this person inspires me a great deal:
She lives.
Anyway. More on that later.
Today I made my first paper airplane in at least three years. I was working in the copy room, and I had some scrap paper. The recycling bin was on the other side of the room, so I made a paper airplane to fly it over to the bin. As I was lining up the paper, and folding it to achieve top aerodynamics, I began to ponder why it had been so long since I indulged in this particular bit of frivolity. The familiar creases came back and I folded my favorite design, a lean, sleek paper airplane built for accuracy and speed.
When I was a kid, the pursuit of the perfect paper airplane constituted a great deal of my free time. The science museum had a paper airplane course, with wind hazards and a little opening in a cardboard box at the end as your target. I would come up with design after design, intent on mastering airplane origami. There were actually books published that taught how to fold airplanes effectively. I thought that I could build the perfect paper airplane. The one that would fly perfect and straight, do a flip and land smoothly on the ground.
But I stopped making paper airplanes. I don’t know, I guess I just grew up. So, as I’m sitting in the office, folding again. I realize that paper airplanes are like childhood dreams. All you need are a few folds and the right throw and you’ll be flying. When you get older, you see that in order to fly you need a conglomorate of factors. Millions of dollars for equipment and building. Training as an engineer or pilot, all of these nuts and bolts needed to free yourself from the constrains of the ground. The reality of the world pops in, and dreams are grounded by the crushing weight of circumstance.
I am working on a movie. I am as low on the totem pole as one can be, but I’m on the totem pole, and I am seeing the nuts and bolts of making movies. I am seeing the making of the plane, and to be honest it is intimidating. I’m used to folding my movies into existence. And they are what they are, light diversions that are poignant for a moment, but ultimately can only go so far. I want to learn how to build a real plane. I want my movies to travel the world. But, I’m learning that may be a lengthy proposition.
I'm gonna hang in there, and see if I can make the perfect paper airplane, out of nuts and bolts.
I am writing this blog because someone else started their blog back up. And this person inspires me a great deal:
She lives.
Anyway. More on that later.
Today I made my first paper airplane in at least three years. I was working in the copy room, and I had some scrap paper. The recycling bin was on the other side of the room, so I made a paper airplane to fly it over to the bin. As I was lining up the paper, and folding it to achieve top aerodynamics, I began to ponder why it had been so long since I indulged in this particular bit of frivolity. The familiar creases came back and I folded my favorite design, a lean, sleek paper airplane built for accuracy and speed.
When I was a kid, the pursuit of the perfect paper airplane constituted a great deal of my free time. The science museum had a paper airplane course, with wind hazards and a little opening in a cardboard box at the end as your target. I would come up with design after design, intent on mastering airplane origami. There were actually books published that taught how to fold airplanes effectively. I thought that I could build the perfect paper airplane. The one that would fly perfect and straight, do a flip and land smoothly on the ground.
But I stopped making paper airplanes. I don’t know, I guess I just grew up. So, as I’m sitting in the office, folding again. I realize that paper airplanes are like childhood dreams. All you need are a few folds and the right throw and you’ll be flying. When you get older, you see that in order to fly you need a conglomorate of factors. Millions of dollars for equipment and building. Training as an engineer or pilot, all of these nuts and bolts needed to free yourself from the constrains of the ground. The reality of the world pops in, and dreams are grounded by the crushing weight of circumstance.
I am working on a movie. I am as low on the totem pole as one can be, but I’m on the totem pole, and I am seeing the nuts and bolts of making movies. I am seeing the making of the plane, and to be honest it is intimidating. I’m used to folding my movies into existence. And they are what they are, light diversions that are poignant for a moment, but ultimately can only go so far. I want to learn how to build a real plane. I want my movies to travel the world. But, I’m learning that may be a lengthy proposition.
I'm gonna hang in there, and see if I can make the perfect paper airplane, out of nuts and bolts.
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