Inspiration

This past weekend was rough. Friday night was the final blow to weeks of slow dilapidation. It was Friday night that I knew a certain building that I had been trying to build, rennovate, what have you was condemned. Dispite all of my attempts, I could not make it work. Friday night proved that as it crashed and burned to the ground in front of my eyes. My every drunken word and movement speeding in its destruction.

I spent the rest of the weekend in a funk. I blamed myself. Who else was there to blame? This was yet again another failure in a long line of failures. 5 years of failure in this particular area to be exact.

Satruday I slept all day, then waited for the phone to ring, for something to do. Nothing came. I began to read a book that...at least from this close point of viewing...will change my life. The Man Who Heard Voices. A book about M. Night Shyamalan's journey in making Lady in the Water.

Now, a bit of background on me and M. Night. My favorite of all of his films is Unbreakable. Sixth Sense is a close second. Lady in the Water a close third. Then The Village, then Signs. I love his films. The writing is always tight and inventive. His eye for composition is top notch. He makes art for the masses. In short, he is the type of filmmkaer I strive to be.

I really enjoyed Lady in the Water when it came out. No bullshit. I thought that it was a fairy tale for grown ups, or for kids with grown up sensibilities. It was smart, complex, well put together and sensuously beautiful. From the low key lighting, to Bryce Dallas Howards pale, helpless looks, to Paul Giamatti's ever evolving sense of everyman awkwardness, I felt the movie touched me in ways many other films have not. It was a film with more than just heart. It had a soul. Was the film perfect? By no means. It had structural problems. Sometimes it was a bit too complex. And too much thinking caused the whole thing to unravel. But, that's easily solved by not thinking to hard. I saw Lady in the Water in the theaters when it first came out last summer. I have not seen it since.

I picked the book up on a whim in Barnes and Noble. Jay reminded me of it as I was picking out a thank you gift for Det Neil (the guy who's apartment I'm staying in). I instantly knew I should buy it. When I started reading it, the first thing that struck me was the writing. It was fresh, crisp. To the point. Funny. The author is a sports writer. I've found that sports writers are exceedingly good at the "non-fiction novel." The second thing that struck me, was how insanely coincidental (though I am beginning to think there are no coincidences) my picking this book up at this point in my life was. From page one, the book spoke to me.

M. Night is a dreamer. An idealist. He has big ideas and he wants to share them with everybody. Everybody in the whole world. The book portrays him as a tortured soul full of doubt. This man, who has made over 2 Billion dollars in ticket sales world wide, full of doubt. This man, who has final cut, a beautiful wife, great kids, a quick wit and final-freaking-cut is in the exact same predicament I found myself in this weekend. I began to devour the book hungrily. The author follows M. Night through writing the script, trying to sell the script, making the movie and the eventual bomb of the movie. (I'm not sure if it made back its budget...) Through it all, M. Night proclaimed his need to inspire people. That was the purpose of the film and its theme: inspiration. M. Night eventually failed by all measurable factors. The film was not a phenomenon. He was not able to reach everyone. But I will tell you this, he, M. Night, the man who made this film, the man who is IN (and not just as an actor) this film, the man whom this film represents, inspired me.

I called Stephen up earlier tonight, after watching the film for a second time. I told him about the book and how it inspired me. He said "Oh, what's it about?"
I told him "M. Night Shyamalan's attempt to make Lady in the Water."
He laughed "But, that wasn't that good of a movie."
I know. And that's the point. For M. Night, for me, it is about the journey, the process. And even in the finished product, even in the failure, I see the beauty. His failure inspired me, because dispite his failure, he failed striving. He failed because he wanted to do something grand, something amazing. Something groundbreaking and new. Something bigger and more important than The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, all of the other films he's ever done. He tried, and he failed. And that failure, that act of trying pulled me right out of the funk. Because I realized that's all I can do, try. And sometimes I will fail. Like Friday night. But all I can do is learn, and pick myself up and keep moving forward. No, Lady in the Water wasn't a good movie, but it is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen.